Grief Sucks

Its 3am and I can't sleep.  My brain just won't turn off.  It is being plagued by all the "what ifs" and the "why's".  What if I had just kept them inside like I had thought for a split second to do?  Why did they have to run away?  Why did this have to happen to us? Why didn't I tell them to stay or look back and give them each a pet before I left?   Some are rational and some irrational like, Didn't we give them enough love?   I am getting angry too.  Angry at Max because most likely it was him that instigated this, he loves to romp around in the woods.  Rory just follows him. She would follow max almost anywhere, she loved him so much.  Now they are separated and I worry that he is out there by himself hurt, hungry, thirsty and lonely.  I keep looking out the front door, willing him to just walk up to our porch.  I know I also have to prepare myself for the fact that he may not just show up but really right now, that is really hard to think about.  So, I am trying to think positive thoughts for Max......getting home thoughts.

I am sure I will continue to go through the stages of grief as the days go by.  Right now though, it really sucks and I miss my dogs.