The Mundane

This is what I find myself doing throughout the day just to get through it - the laundry, dishes, going to the gym, cleaning, etc.   If I am not keeping myself busy, my brain is going crazy and soon the tears are flowing.  The nights are the hardest too - laying there in bed trying not to think about everything that's happened but inevitably that makes it worse.  Sleep came a little bit easier last night but that was probably because I barely got any the night before.  Eating is hard - I start to eat but soon feel sick.  I have lost about 5 pounds already.  This is definitely not how I wanted to lose the rest of the baby weight.  This is what happens to me when something really stresses me out.  My stomach is in knots and I can't eat.  I am trying though.

Jack asked Matt tonight if his truck had wings so we could go get the dogs in heaven.  It brought tears to my eyes.  I think he is finally beginning to understand that the dogs aren't coming home but I don't think he really understands that they are dead.  We haven't actually used that word with him yet.  That is such a powerful (and possibly traumatic) word for a 3 year old.  We bought this great book at Barnes and Noble yesterday called "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant.  I read through the first few pages while at the store and started balling so its going to be hard to read when we do decide to read it to him.  Matt and I decided it would be a little too hard to read it right now with everything being so new.  Hopefully in a few days it will be easier especially since Jack is starting to ask more questions.  This book may make it easier for him.  Maybe it will help us too?