Trying to be strong

Tonight marks a week since the dogs got out of the yard.  I am really trying to stay strong, if for nothing else, my family.  Yesterday was particularly hard on me, Matt went back to work and the kids and I stayed home all day.  Probably not the best idea.  I was reminded of what happened all day long and had a hard time moving past a lot of things (mainly that I blame myself for not being able to keep them safe).   We went to my neighbors house for a BBQ and all I wanted to do at first was leave.  I just couldn't sit there chit chatting and act like I wasn't sad.  I came home to put Anna to bed and had a good cry.  Matt came in with Jack to get him to bed and saw that I was upset.  We had a good talk and he made me realize that I couldn't keep doing this to myself.  I need to accept what happened and try and move on, for the sake of everyone.  My kids and my husband need me to be a mom and a wife.  I couldn't let myself get into a dark place because of what happened.  I need to be strong.  I know I am going to be sad for a long time, those dogs were our family, but I also need to figure out how to move past what happened and remember the good times we had with them.  We gave them a good life and we are better people for knowing and being able to love them.

Jack talked a lot about the dogs today and while its definitly hard to hear, it actually does help to talk about it.  We talk about the fact that they are up in heaven, running on the clouds and watching over us.  They are playing with the Angel children up in heaven.  We even talked about how eventually we will get another dog, Jack was happy about that.  We need time though and a fenced in back yard and that won't be happening at the house we live in now.  

We also got a call from the Pet Crematory that the dogs are ready to be picked up.  Since it was too late in the day to do it today and tomorrow is Fathers Day we will go pick them up on Monday.  I feel conflicted about picking them up.  I know its going to be hard but it will also be better to have them with us.  We have a spot on the bookshelf with their pictures, ID tags and a few candles ready for their ashes.